Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
