grandma shit on top of the toilet
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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