she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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