The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I intend to get homeless drunk
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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