There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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