So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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