White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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