I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
