if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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