i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
