Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
