hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
