I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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