I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
nutella sex= disaster
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
