Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
