dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
