I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
love makes seman taste better
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
