i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
