I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
