too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
