Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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