I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There r osticjed everywhere
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
