she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
