shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
