just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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