mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
...so i touched it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
