after a month anything with tits is on the radar
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
