my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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