you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
