Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
