Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wish there were birth control emojis
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
