I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
