I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
