come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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