why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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