...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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