batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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