i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
