btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
