I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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