dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I smell like Dick and happiness
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
