I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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