I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
