so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
