so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
