Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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