last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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