At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
