I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
