I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
