ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
