i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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