If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
