have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
