I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
