Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Randomize
