Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
