I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
