How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
