we have pet lesbian snakes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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