I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
