you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
