dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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