It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
